Over the last year I've been asked about a book I read when Gabe was 2 months old; it's entitled "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," written by Dr. Marc Weissbluth {a pediatrician}.
In order to help fellow mothers out, I decided to write down some tips on how to help your child sleep better (and in return -- the parents will sleep better, and everyone will be happier all around).
Here is my tip list (from my own experience):
1. The younger the child, the more sleep they need. When I started sleep training with Gabe (2 months old), he would only be awake for maybe an hour at a time, and then go back to sleep. As he's gotten older, his awake times have gotten longer and longer. Now, at 19 months, he stays up for usually 4 or 5 hours before getting sleepy. This leads me to tip #2.
2. Your child decides when they are tired, not you. Every child is different, but every child will do something to show you that they are tired. For example, when Gabe gets tired, he yawns. When he does this, I know its ready for him to go to bed (or nap time). Here is a list of things that might show that your child is sleepy or drowsy (from Dr. Weissbluth's book) --
- Decreased activity
- Slower motions
- Less vocal
- Sucking is weaker or slower
- Quieter
- Calmer
- Appears disinterested in surroundings
- Eyes are less focused
- Eyelids drooping --
- And YAWNING
These are signs that your child is OVERTIRED or FATIGUED --
- Fussing
- Rubbing eyes
- Irritable
- Cranky
3. When they get overtired (which Gabe was doing so much when he was little that I had to find a solution), they are going to be hyper, sometimes crazy. Have you seen your kids "jumping off the walls" and laughing and literally driving you mad? Then they are waaaay past tired. They should have been in bed an hour or so before. I can honestly tell you that Gabe has hardly ever reached the point of overtired because I watch him and I make sure he goes to bed when he's just reaching the "tired" phase.
4. When kids are overtired, it takes them longer to go to sleep and they wake up more during the night. So in the long run, they really aren't getting enough sleep, and it makes it harder for the children and the parents.
5. When you first begin sleep training, you should be prepared to hear your child cry. If you aren't prepared, or willing to do that, then it might take longer to train them to sleep without your help (meaning, you have to rock them or cuddle them to sleep). I never wanted Gabe to dependant upon me to get to sleep. That, in my mind, would lead to increased sleep problems right now and when he is older. I decided that I wanted him to learn how to put himself to sleep. And at 19 months old, he can still do it --- HE IS TRAINED!! Sometimes he wakes up at 3 a.m., and guess what? I do NOT go and get him. He may talk for a little bit, or even cry a little, but he can put himself back to sleep. It's a blessing for me, especially since I'm a single parent.
6. If you have a little baby, or even a toddler, what I would do is really watch your child after they get up from their night sleep or their nap, and after they get their feeding, and see when they start yawning or doing any of the things listed on the "drowsy" tips. You will come to see when your child gets sleepy and is ready for bed time. When your child is really young, it may only be an hour or so, and then they are ready to go down for a nap or even bed. Gabe got three naps for about 4 months because that's what he needed to be healthy and happy.
7. After laying them down to sleep, and they are not used to going to sleep without your help, or without the help of a bouncer or swing, they might cry a lot. Gabe cried for 45 minutes the first time I did this. By the third day, he only cried for 5 minutes, and then he was asleep. It was because of how overtired he was; it was just so hard for him to fall asleep and then stay asleep. If your child is over 6 months old, he or she is physically able to sleep through the night. Their stomach is big enough to hold them through on their last feeding to sleep the whole night. Now, Gabe did sleep through the night at 2 months old, but I don't know if that's something that could happen for everyone. But I know by 6 months old, every baby should be able to do that.
8. When you are ready to have your baby sleep through the night, you will hear them cry in the night to be fed. This may sound cruel or mean to some parents, but in the long run, it will help both you and your child get more rest. You don't go to them. This might lead to more crying -- sometimes for long periods -- but you still don't go to them. IF you do go to them after a bout of crying, they will learn that they only have to cry for certain amount of time, and then mom or dad will come get them. That's why you shouldn't go get them, its only teaching them to cry more. After about a week, they will learn that no amount of crying will get mom or dad in there. UNLESS they are sick (if I know Gabe is sick, or I can tell its a distressed cry, then of course I am going to get my little boy!), do not go get them!
9. Another point is that they should be getting anywhere from 12-14 hours of sleep -- that is what helps your child to be healthy and happy. They need a lot of sleep to be your happy little toddler or baby. When training Gabe, I decided I would not go to him before 7 a.m. So if he does cry at 5:30, 6:00, or even 6:30 a.m., I won't go get him until 7:00 a.m. Pretty soon, your child will learn that they aren't getting up before that time and the crying will go away .... and you can "sleep" in!!
10. I am a whole-hearted adovocate of babies getting enough sleep. I also believe in order for them to get all their needed sleep, you should plan your schedule around when they are tired, not the other way around.
11. When you are getting your child ready for bed or nap time, its very important to develop a routine and stick to it. Consistency is one of the biggest factors in sleep training! For example, for bed time, Gabe gets his bath, lotion, hair brushed, jammies on, and then he gets to play for a little bit. Then we read books, have scripture study and prayer. Then he gives everyone kisses goodnight. I have been doing this routine for over a year and it works!
12. If your child IS overtired, or has a hard time falling asleep, there are things you can do to help them wind down and relax (you shouldn't get used to doing these all the time because they can be addictive for babies and parents, and you really shouldn't rely on these all the time to put your child to sleep!). A list from Dr. Weissblth:
- Sucking (breast-feeding, pacifier, bottle ...)
- Rhythmic rocking motions (rocking your baby, swing ...)
- Swaddling
- Massage (I actually still do this with Gabe and he really likes it!)
13. Here are some additional resources for bed-time routines (just in case my bed time routine for Gabe doesn't do it for ya) --
- Before sleep time, reduce the amount of stimulation: less noise, dimmer lights, less handling, playing and activity.
- Bedroom should be quiet and dark (use room-darkening shades), and warm (but not too warm).
- Bathe
- Massage after bath with smooth, gentle motions.
- Swaddle if it comforts and relaxes your baby, use a warm blanket from the clothes dryer
- Lullaby, quiet singing or humming -- be consistent!
- Favorite words, sounds, or phrases -- be consistent!
- Feed
- May put down drowsy but awake, but do not deliberately awaken before sleeping.
- Do not rush in at the first sound your baby makes.
14. I should have written this up with 2 &3, but I just remembered. The earlier the bedtime, the better. When first starting sleep training, start at a set time (like 7:00 p.m.), and then slowly make the bedtime earlier. This allows your child to the rest they need to be happy. Gabe goes to sleep between 6:00 and 7:00 every night. But if there's a night I see that he is yawning at 5:00 p.m., I will start the bedtime routine as soon as possible. It's important to start the bedtime routine in plenty of time to get them in bed. Make sure to be flexible (that's my motto!) with sleep training. There may be times when the bed or nap times will not be the same time due to unforseen circumstances (like sickness, vacations, moving, etc.).
15. I really hope this helps you mommies out there. It really did "save" me when I was so frustrated with Gabe taking forever to fall asleep! Sleep is one of the most important things for a baby and toddler. Helping your child to sleep correctly will benefit them the rest of their lives.
If you would like to know more about sleep training, I would highly recommend buying or checking out Dr. Weissbluth's book. I have it out, ready to read ALL THE TIME!! It's my sleeping bible. :)
